| i have a new xanga.. if your intrested to find out what it is... leave
a commenr and i'll subscribe to you..... if i haven't already..
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| should i change my xanga?
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i need to stop risking my relationship with peter to see how far i can go...
i need to stop being selfish and start thinking about how other people feel..
i need to make a change and i need to make it fast...
life's been confusing lately.. and i disn't really know what i wanted
until tonight...all last week i've been trying to push peter away for
my own reasons and he broke up with me and i broke up with him.. but we
never really did because we would just end up crying and getting back
together....
but tonight was different.. we actually agreed on just being friends...
you know.. one of those friendly good break-ups? i thought i would be
happy but i wasn't i was calm until we sat down to watch t.v. i just
broke down in tears...
i couldn't help but cry.. i realized that it was really over and that
all i had now was a friend... my "real thing" was gone....
he gave me flowers and a teddy bear this morning when we met up because
he felt bad for calling me a slut the night before.... and when we
broke up i just couldn't believe it was happening... after having
such a great day.. peter surprised me with candles and rose petals and gave
me a massage..you know the rest *wink*wink*... i was sooooooooooooo romantic... the best i ever had...
we spent the whole day together and we were going to stay friends...
i felt like it was the perfect break-up but i didn't want to go through
with it...
good thing.. we're still together and i agreed to change for the
better.. he's going to be there more and show more affection.. like how
it was when we first started going out....
i am totally prepared to move in with him next month.. i do want to spend the rest of my life with him...
i love you peter!
tuesday_
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what's your honest opinion about me?
no hard feelings...
i just want to know i won't hold it against you..
do you think i'm...
selfish?
a slut?
a good friend?
a bad friend?
giving?
understanding?
a real bitch?
what is the honest truth?????
i really want to know...
tuesday_
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despite all the drama and other shit thats been going on, i had a great
time last night at my dinner party... i haven't danced that much since
november 2003... it was so fun... AKUA, DIANA, JUNE, PETER and
JOSE... you guys made my night last night... i'm glad i put you people
at my table... no offense to those who weren't sitting with me...
thanks for last night... i was so happy last night.. i just
forgot about everything that's been happening but now i'm back and i
have to deal with it once again...
well here are SOME the details of what has happened these past few days...
when i told peter about wednesday night when i drank with jasmine and
cale he got real pissed... i asked for spca and he said okay but then
needed to think about it... by the end of the train ride to manhattan
mall he decided that maybe we should break up all in all so that i
wouldn't cheat on him or he wouldn't be cheated on agian... i was
devestated, scared and i cried my heart out.... i got in so much shit
with him for telling him the truth and it crushed me... i begged for
another chance and he told me he couldn't do that, that of all people i
did that to him... so we went our seperate ways.. he called me a few
hours later and says that i'm still his baby...  after that
until yesterday, we had so many fights and he tried his hardest to be
an asshole to me... his conditions for me and him to stay
together is that i can't hang out with other boys or jasmine... i said
okay but that isn't a promise that's easy to keep... honestly i
love peter TO DEATH but there are sometimes where i just need some
space to think but with him it's all or nothing.. either we're together
or we're just friends... i don't want to risk not being with him.. and
i don't want to ruin all he plans we've had planned for this year... i
guess i'll find my own way to deal with the space issue... the other
night he called me crying.. he said to me "TUESDAY, I LOVE YOU, DON'T
CHEAT ON ME" , i couldn't help but cry as well...
the things i've done these past few days we're pretty wrong...
and illegal depending on how you look at it... well however way you do
look at it, it all comes down to one thing.. peter didn;t deserve any
of it.. i mean peter can be a real asshole at times but what guy isn't?
i love peter and i can't hurt him by doing the things i want to do that
would get him upset... it's between FLING and THE REAL THING... and the
real thing seems real good in the long run.....
i love you peter... thank you for last night... i needed that..
thanks to everyone who came through last night... i love you guys!!!!
tuesday_
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